Redefining Identity

When I say ABC, I don't mean the alphabet. 

Like Amy Tan, I am American Born Chinese -ABC for short - but I've never had an issue with my culture like she did.

As child and even now, I experience a fear of being the same as everyone else. Whether it was clothing brands or the type of music people listened to, I tried my best to deviate from the norm and away from the uniformity of the masses. Well, you can guess how that turned out. As hard as I tried, there were just some things that couldn't be avoided. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hipster; I just don't want to blend in and be a clone of everyone else. Of course this fear has lessened over the years, but I've always been proud of my Chinese background because it set me apart from the majority. I embraced my culture because of the taste of the foods, the rapid sound of mandarin, the ancient folk tales, and the vivid colors of silk qi paos. They were magical, and they made me feel special.  

Attending Troy High, a school that is so diverse, has subdued the uniqueness of being Chinese; but nonetheless, I still treasure my background. It is a part of my identity, something I cannot change and would never want to. That's why Amy Tan's outlook in "Fish Cheeks" was so shocking. I realized I couldn't relate to her, but instead, I could relate to her mother.


My Little Brother

My little brother, unlike me, is half Chinese and half Caucasian. He struggles with his Chinese heritage in a ways that I never had. He cares little for the food, dislikes the language, and bores easily at the same folk tales I found so mesmerizing. Everything I find so alluring about my culture he sees as dull. One day, he even went so far as to proclaim, "I'm not Chinese. I'm American."

Often times, I found myself angry at him for tossing aside his culture so easily and carelessly. I just couldn't fathom how he could just completely reject a part of himself like that. Now, however, I think I'm beginning to see how difficult it must be for him. He's different from others in the way that he has not one identity, but two. He's not completely Chinese, but he's not truly "American" either. I know he must feel this conflict within him, but I wonder if he's conscious of it.

I can only hope that with time he will grow to love his Chinese background like I do. As for me, I'll be there for him every step of the way.